Adopted, and Happy For It

Someone I went to gradeschool with just announced recently on the Facebook, that she had gotten a job assisting in  the adoption of children.  This caused some reflection on my own part, as I am an adoptee.

I was adopted as an infant of a couple months old, in 1971.  My parents had been  unable to have children of their own, so had gone through the necessary steps to adopt me.  They hadn’t picked me out, or met me ahead of time.  They were called, years after they had applied, and told that I was to be their baby.

I had a wonderful childhood.  It would have been hard to have been placed with a better Mom and Dad.  And that’s what they are to me, forever, Mom and Dad.  I’ve known no other.  Growing up, the fact that I was adopted was never kept a secret.  Quite the opposite as a matter of fact.  We celebrated my birthday, as the usual custom.  But we also celebrated my adoption day.  It was known as my "Special Day".  It wasn't as extravagant as birthdays, but it always involved a special meal, extra love, and perhaps a gift or two.  One of the gifts I was given on one of my special days, was a book.  The Chosen Baby, by Valentina Wasson.  I seem to remember another book as well, but the name escapes me.  I know that my mother read that book to me many times. 

I have never understood families who keep adoption a secret from their adopted children.  I understand that it can cause lots of problems when the child does find out.  The root being, "Why did you keep it a secret from me?"

I know many adoptees are driven to find their birth parents, for various reasons.  But I have never felt a real pressing need.  My motivations for finding them, are lukewarm at best.  Certainly not because I'm angry with them or anything.  I am eternally grateful, that there was love in their hearts, and I was not aborted, but rather given up for adoption with both of their consents.

I was adopted during the period in Michigan, when most adoptions were ‘closed’ adoptions, and I can’t see my original birth certificate without either a court order, or written permission of the birth parents being in the file.  I did try a couple of times to have the records opened to me.  Both times I was refused, but I got a tiny bit more of ‘non identifying’ information.  I know my birth name now, first only of course.  I know my basic nationality, and a general description of my birth parents, and what they were up to at the time of my birth.  That’s it. 

I filled out a form at the time of my first refusal.  This was a consent form, which said that I gave permission to my birth parents, and any later siblings that may have been born, to see all my information, and I updated it as well.  I have never heard anything from them.  I have made my contact information available a couple other ways as well, in an earlier post on this blog from a few years ago.  Also on a couple adoption reunion websites.

I was offered an opportunity to work with a confidential intermediary by the court, so that that person could see the records, and contact my birth parents, and see if they wanted to make contact with me, as I was looking for them.  But due to my reasons for looking in the first place, I declined.

I put my reasons on paper and looked at them at the time, and they were not particularly compelling as far as a long lost reunion.  My non-identifying information sheets list me as being four nationalities:  Irish, German, French Canadian, and Indian.  The Indian entry interested me the most.  I always assumed it meant Indian, as in Native American.  I suppose it could mean Indian, as in from India.  I used to say that I’m so pale of complexion that it couldn’t possibly be India Indian.  But somewhere along the line I realized that Native American Indians aren’t very pale either.  So I really don’t know.

As an aside;  Isn't it a sign of the times in 1971, that it was listed as "Indian"?

I wanted a tattoo, and I thought it would be neat to know what tribe I was from, so as to get a meaningful  tattoo along those lines.  Also, I thought I might like to join whatever tribe I was from, so as to participate in whatever they have going on.  Yes, a share of gaming money did cross my head, in all honesty.

The other big reason I had, didn’t come into play until after I got married, and had kids.  I was wondering on my family medical history, to see what I might be passing along to my kids, along with what might be in store for myself.

You’ll notice that I didn’t list that I wanted to have a relationship with my birth parents.  I mean, I wouldn’t mind meeting them.  But I already have parents.  My only parents I’ve ever known.  I really don’t have the need or want of a meaningful, time consuming, relationship with any birth parents.  Maybe that means I’m shallow, I don’t know.

I'm so very glad to have been born to who I was, then given up to my parents, who raised me the way that they did.  In the big picture, I have a wonderful life.  And it all started when I was adopted.